The Dad Thread

[esquire]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

The soundtrack to bedtime / bathtime / mealtime / potty time / any time:

Pretty much

[harls]

Wait until you have to deal with bullshit teenager angst, O-Tacular. Friends told me to cherish those younger days, now I see why.

[MolsonExport]

Originally Posted by harls

Wait until you have to deal with bullshit teenager angst, O-Tacular. Friends told me to cherish those younger days, now I see why.

this, in spades.

I've lost my son (17) to melancholy remoteness, and my daughter (nearly 15) is fast following him on that track. I long for the early, crazy days when they were thrilled to spend time with their Dad. Now apparently I am just annoying or an embarrassment.

[O-tacular]

Part of the irony of parenthood so far is that you can never appreciate the phase that you're in in the moment. Exhaustion really does a number on your patience and ability to live in the moment.

The term threenager isn't for nothing. Apparently the changes in the brain at that age are similar to the teenage years. Things to look forward to Lol! At least it must be nice to see them grow into young adults and develop talents and interests?

[esquire]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

Part of the irony of parenthood so far is that you can never appreciate the phase that you're in in the moment. Exhaustion really does a number on your patience and ability to live in the moment.

The term threenager isn't for nothing. Apparently the changes in the brain at that age are similar to the teenage years. Things to look forward to Lol! At least it must be nice to see them grow into young adults and develop talents and interests?

I totally agree about how hard it is to appreciate the phase that you're in in the moment. Those first few years in particular when the kids are young are such a grind. I can understand why grandparents get so excited about grandchildren... it's a chance to relive the happiness and joy of babies and young kids but without the exhaustion and drudgery that, for better or for worse, generally comes along with it.

My kids are 9 and 7 and it is tons of fun. It does feel like they're in a certain sweet spot right now where they are old enough to do a lot of things and share a lot of interests (my son in particular is a bit of a mini-me), but they're still young enough to want to be with their parents. I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts!

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by esquire

I totally agree about how hard it is to appreciate the phase that you're in in the moment. Those first few years in particular when the kids are young are such a grind. I can understand why grandparents get so excited about grandchildren... it's a chance to relive the happiness and joy of babies and young kids but without the exhaustion and drudgery that, for better or for worse, generally comes along with it.

My kids are 9 and 7 and it is tons of fun. It does feel like they're in a certain sweet spot right now where they are old enough to do a lot of things and share a lot of interests (my son in particular is a bit of a mini-me), but they're still young enough to want to be with their parents. I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts!

That's almost the golden age in my experience. When Daddy is (still) their hero!

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

The term threenager isn't for nothing. Apparently the changes in the brain at that age are similar to the teenage years. Things to look forward to Lol! At least it must be nice to see them grow into young adults and develop talents and interests?

Yes, it is really nice to witness that, as the father of older teens and young adults. Though this age like any other also comes with its own unique challenges.

We're not quite empty-nesters but it's been a big emotional and psychological adjustment getting used to not being the entire family together most of time as the routine default thing.

From the time they were born I spent close to two decades where it was always my wife and I and the kids. You kind of settle into the illusion that your life is always going to be like that - our little gang. Then it all changes rather abruptly.

[harls]

Originally Posted by Acajack

That's almost the golden age in my experience. When Daddy is (still) their hero!

My oldest (almost 16) is totally cool, calm and collective like his dad.
My youngest (turning 13 soon) is an absolute handful. I think he's like his mom, but of course Mom says he must take after me (?) Hrm. ok.

Yep, around that age was great (9 to 7). No more diaper bags. No hormonal angst.

[O-tacular]

Originally Posted by Acajack

Yes, it is really nice to witness that, as the father of older teens and young adults. Though this age like any other also comes with its own unique challenges.

We're not quite empty-nesters but it's been a big emotional and psychological adjustment getting used to not being the entire family together most of time as the routine default thing.

From the time they were born I spent close to two decades where it was always my wife and I and the kids. You kind of settle into the illusion that your life is always going to be like that - our little gang. Then it all changes rather abruptly.

Since 2020 it became clear to me that being a family under one roof is in fact only a phase of you and your childrens' lives. It is hard to imagine the day when they move out and start their own families / lives beyond the nest. It seems like you are in a place with older kids where the day to day drudgery and exhaustion is replaced by more existential / philosophical worries. That could be tedious in its own way.

[esquire]

Originally Posted by harls

My oldest (almost 16) is totally cool, calm and collective like his dad.
My youngest (turning 13 soon) is an absolute handful. I think he's like his mom, but of course Mom says he must take after me (?) Hrm. ok.

Yep, around that age was great (9 to 7). No more diaper bags. No hormonal angst.

Yeah, it's weird to think that in just a few short years, my son will be a teenager.

Although this has at least in part been my strategy when it comes to encouraging my son's interest in sports... I figure that when he's 18, at least he'll still want to hang out with the old man if I buy us tickets to a Jets or Bomber game

I assume I'll still be paying for team registration fees when he's that age, though

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

Since 2020 it became clear to me that being a family under one roof is in fact only a phase of you and your childrens' lives. It is hard to imagine the day when they move out and start their own families / lives beyond the nest. It seems like you are in a place with older kids where the day to day drudgery and exhaustion is replaced by more existential / philosophical worries. That could be tedious in its own way.

At this age there is still a decent degree of "dependency". But it's not always in the way that parents like me would like. I'd definitely exchange certain forms of dependency with others at the moment.

[esquire]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

Since 2020 it became clear to me that being a family under one roof is in fact only a phase of you and your childrens' lives. It is hard to imagine the day when they move out and start their own families / lives beyond the nest. It seems like you are in a place with older kids where the day to day drudgery and exhaustion is replaced by more existential / philosophical worries. That could be tedious in its own way.

I have wrestled with this issue regarding my own mother and mother in law. I'm an only child and my wife's brother is pretty well a confirmed bachelor. So we're basically it for our moms. We all live in Winnipeg but the moms are across town from us... half an hour each way outside of rush hour, closer to an hour during rush hour. It's far enough that we might see each other on average once every week or two.

The idea of having a multi-generational household never appealed to my wife or me, but there is a creeping sense of obligation that grows as the moms get older. My mom is retired but is still fairly social, my mother in law is still working but I can see that ending soon. Their worlds are getting a bit smaller as they get older. I envy people with lots of siblings so they can share the load of aging parents a little.

[O-tacular]

Originally Posted by esquire

I have wrestled with this issue regarding my own mother and mother in law. I'm an only child and my wife's brother is pretty well a confirmed bachelor. So we're basically it for our moms. We all live in Winnipeg but the moms are across town from us... half an hour each way outside of rush hour, closer to an hour during rush hour. It's far enough that we might see each other on average once every week or two.

The idea of having a multi-generational household never appealed to my wife or me, but there is a creeping sense of obligation that grows as the moms get older. My mom is retired but is still fairly social, my mother in law is still working but I can see that ending soon. Their worlds are getting a bit smaller as they get older. I envy people with lots of siblings so they can share the load of aging parents a little.

I can see that. Plenty of siblings between my wife and I but we are the only ones having kids so I can relate to that pressure of them not spending enough time with the kids too.

[esquire]

Just dropping into the thread to share an observation I made over the weekend...

Despite what some may think, kids these days seem to watch way more high quality content on their screens than I did as an 80s kid. I grew up just before YTV came into being, so cartoons were something I only got to see Saturday mornings and maybe the odd one on weekdays. The rest of the time bored kid me would channel surf and watch stuff that was not well suited to children.

By contrast, kids now can watch a pretty steady stream of fairly high quality, age appropriate stuff. Even the Youtubers my oldest likes are generally "nice" and positive. Some of them, like the Dude Perfect stunt guys, even I find entertaining to watch with him.

It is amazing how much quality content there is available to kids now. It's a golden era of sorts.

[O-tacular]

Originally Posted by esquire

Just dropping into the thread to share an observation I made over the weekend...

Despite what some may think, kids these days seem to watch way more high quality content on their screens than I did as an 80s kid. I grew up just before YTV came into being, so cartoons were something I only got to see Saturday mornings and maybe the odd one on weekdays. The rest of the time bored kid me would channel surf and watch stuff that was not well suited to children.

By contrast, kids now can watch a pretty steady stream of fairly high quality, age appropriate stuff. Even the Youtubers my oldest likes are generally "nice" and positive. Some of them, like the Dude Perfect stunt guys, even I find entertaining to watch with him.

It is amazing how much quality content there is available to kids now. It's a golden era of sorts.

Funny enough my toddler has learned the alphabet, numbers and new words from watching kids youtube videos. There is the downside of the videos themselves mostly being grating and horrible ex soviet state engrish such as D Billions and the dozens of ripoffs of them. Also my eldest is now entering the phase of nightmares which seem to be directly lifted from some of the videos he has watched which supposedly are meant to help kids overcome their fears, but instead introduce them where none existed. My son didn't know about monsters under beds or in closets before. Now I've had to move a fake plant from his room because he has nightmares that it comes alive with glowing eyes and talks to him.

I used to be judgmental of parents giving kids screen time but it is a necessity I don't judge anyone for using. Any parents of kids predating smartphones are kidding themselves if they think they wouldn't have done the same. My hairdresser was marveling at how well behaved my son was on his tablet with some puffs over the weekend when we were getting our hair cut. He told me with his kids they had a portable DVD player. That was their screen. Things are definitely easier now.

[O-tacular]

Considered resurrecting the Ben Affleck thread but seems like this is an appropriate place to post Grammy's Affleck.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by O-tacular

Funny enough my toddler has learned the alphabet, numbers and new words I never taught him from watching kids youtube videos. There is the downside of the videos themselves mostly being grating and horrible ex soviet state engrish such as D Billions and the dozens of ripoffs of them. Also my eldest is now entering the phase of nightmares which seem to be directly lifted from some of the videos he has watched which supposedly are meant to help kids overcome their fears, but instead introduce them where none existed. My son didn't know about monsters under beds or in closets before. Now I've had to move a fake plant from his room because he has nightmares that it comes alive with glowing eyes and talks to him.

I used to be judgmental of parents giving kids screen time but it is a necessity I don't judge anyone for using. Any parents of kids predating smartphones are kidding themselves if they think they wouldn't have done the same. My hairdresser was marveling at how well behaved my son was on his tablet with some puffs over the weekend when we were getting our hair cut. He told me with his kids they had a portable DVD player. That was their screen. Things are definitely easier now.

My kids watched the Baby Mozart and Baby Einstein etc. videos in moderate doses when they were pretty young. The TV wasn't their babysitter though and we also read to them a lot, plus they had a very talkative and stimulating daycare provider. By the time they arrived in school they were among the most advanced kids in their classes. (I admit to having no idea if the videos played a part in that.)

I don't think it's realistic in most cases to not give your kids any screen time at all.

But I'd very careful about giving them too much because it does seem to be linked to the explosion in learning and attention disorders among many kids. Especially boys, actually. (My opinion here is completely unscientific, and based on my personal observations of tons of kids and families.)

Also, obviously screen time shouldn't squeeze out non-screen playtime, either indoors or outdoors.

But you guys already knew all that, right?

[Acajack]

We also had a "no screens" at the dining table rule, enforced especially strictly when we had company or were in restaurants.

[O-tacular]

Go to the 3 minute mark. Welcome to Hell!

• Video Link

[O-tacular]

Originally Posted by Acajack

We also had a "no screens" at the dining table rule, enforced especially strictly when we had company or were in restaurants.

Just trying to have family dinners where everyone is eating at the same time is proving to be damn near impossible. But yes no screen time at the table. Meals feel like a speed eating contest dealing with a baby and a toddler. Louis CK was bang on when he said you eat standing up. Most of my meals get eaten between prep standing in the kitchen.