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Originally Posted by O-tacular
When we were younger I wanted 3 kids. My wife has 2 siblings and told me of the challenges. Then we had our first child and reality set in a little. After the second one practically killed my wife during pregnancy that ship has officially sailed. In fact I have to now start looking at places to get a vasectomy!  Starting to get a little freaked out now imagining the procedure.
I never realized 2 kids is like 10X the work of 1. I can't even imagine 3. One kid must get neglected at any given moment. Though in your case the 12 yo at least would be self sufficient. |
Dad of 4 here and I'll tell you, the transition from 1-2 was harder than 2-3 (and 3-4).
We had a pretty difficult time with our first. Initially she wouldn't latch properly, so attempting to breastfeed for the first few weeks were uber stressful on my wife. Once she got that down, the next issue was sleep... We must've read a dozen books and talked to every friend, relative and 'specialist' we could. I shit you not, our first born slept through the night once in the first 17 months! As mentioned by others, the saving grace was having supportive family nearby that let us take the occasional night off (I think probably 3-4... guess that's where #2 came from
).
Two was hard because you're still learning on the job, terribly sleep deprived and basically still in "what the heck is going on" mode. The advantage is being able to play man defense... That and basically being numb from the sleep deprivation.
#3 was surprisingly easier than I expected going in. To be completely honest, both my wife and I had a real "oh shit" moment. The funny thing is, by then, everything about the pregnancy and getting ready for the baby were basically old hat... I mean, we're lucky because we're both young-ish and had no complications with the first pregnancies, but besides that, there was less of a sense of the unknown. That, and we'd already weeded through what's gimmicky and what's actually necessary when it came to baby stuff and gear (plus had sunk costs on things like cribs, car seats, etc).
By the time the fourth came around, the feeling was more of a casual "here we go again".
Now the oldest is 10, going on 17... The youngest just turned 4 and does everything she can to keep up with the rest. I've never felt that any have been neglected. In fact, COVID and lock downs made us appreciate having them all that much more - they were never bored, never glued to screens, and always had someone different to play or do something with. A definite blessing in disguise we weren't specifically expecting.
I feel like we're in a bit of a lull period because the younger two aren't fully involved in sports and activities yet and the older two are mostly involved in the same things, so logistics isn't a total nightmare yet. Next year should get easier with all four being in full day school, but also harder as the activities ramp up.
The hardest part I see now and with no real end in sight is the sheer number of us... Table for 6. Two full rows of seats on a plane. Two hotel rooms. Etc, etc... And of course, with that, comes the cost. Even fast food bills can still catch me off guard... "How much for what?!"
Fortunately, we're pretty OK there... My wife stays home for now, as that's more than a full time job and it wouldn't make sense financially otherwise to pay for the care we'd otherwise need. I guess we'll see what life looks like with all of them in school. I must say though, what Hipster Duck's friend related to him is true... Another good reason for my wife to stay home once all the kids are in school
Personally, I work from home, which is a blessing and a curse... I'm pleased to say I've never missed a recital, show, game, etc and am pretty involved in the day-to-day activities, school drop offs, etc (working from home, that becomes my "outings" ha!). That said, my company basically operates as a sales team, so there are no set hours and I'm the last line of defense or final word when something comes up. It's a delicate balance between attentive father/husband and attentive boss, especially when everyone - myself included - earns on a purely eat-what-you-kill basis. So far, I seem to be walking that line with minimal missteps... I guess that's all we can really hope for
