10-20 Things That Will Happen To You When You Move To *Insert Your City Here*

[mousquet]

Hé, that's a nice idea of a thread, I find.

You'll get lost cause it sprawls a lot, even when it's dense.

You'll often feel young cause much of it is old.

Your eyes will be pleased by the many nice looking girls.

You'll be pleased by much of urban beauty.

You'll still laugh at some French pompous manners and excessive pride.

BTW, at the beginning, you'll probably strangely and awkwardly look around, like - fuck, all those around me are French...

Then you'll learn French if you haven't yet since many locals wince at English.

You'll sometimes feel kind of breathless, oppressed cause it can be tense and might require to be foxy, if not nasty sometimes.

You'll convert to mass transit cause traffic is hellish.

Depending on your morphology, your job and/or your hobbies, you might have to watch your daily meals cause French food is surely nice but often too fat.

You'll find some kind of help if you're poor.

But you won't find a job if you're unemployed, so...

You'll be outrageously overtaxed if you're not poor.

You'll be highly annoyed by the French monstrous and overly costly public bureaucracy.

You'll learn what actual equality means, but unfortunately some hypocritical a--holes will make you undergo unfairness on behalf of that ideal of equality.

So you'll probably not be able to stay if you're an entrepreneur who's not established yet.

You'll both love and hate it.

You'll take the Eurostar to London when you hate it too much.

...

Well, those are some of today's obvious coming to my mind, but there's definitely much more.

[10023]

Originally Posted by pico44

Fairway is the best grocery store I have ever been to (especially red hook, although UWS and Harlem are great as well). The fact that you don't think they have decent produce is pretty good evidence that you're either trolling, or you are a terrible shopper who doesn't understand how to choose produce based on season and ripeness. It's one or the other. And WF for meat and cheese? hahahahhahah Fairway has dry aged prime beef--all the time!--And a significantly better cheese department, though worse than Deluca, a lot worse than Murrays, and a lot lot lot worse than Bedford. Speaking of, Dean and Deluca is also an exceptional grocery store. And it's in SoHo. Come on downtown man, try harder.

And Zabars nothing but a deli? What are you smoking? Have you even been to New York?

God what an awful awful post. Misinformed nonsense posing as an insider. Just awful.

Fairway in Red Hook might be great, I've never been. I was not a fan of the UWS location. I lived for about 4 years at 68th and Columbus... there was a Food Emporium at 68th and Broadway (shit), Fairway and Zabar's (where I actually went as often as I could, for specific things) farther up Broad, and the Whole Foods at Columbus Circle where I actually did most of my grocery shopping. Once I moved downtown there was the Greenmarket, so that was that.

Dean and DeLuca is nice, but it's quite expensive and not the "mega supermarket" referred to in the muppet's post. And I tried to avoid that stretch of Broadway (too aggravating).

[mrnyc]

whats more aggravating is you have already adopted the annoying euro habit of calling everything "shit" and also your limited experiences and how out of touch with nyc groceries you are.

but hey now you have tesco & waitrose, good luck with that. borough market is nice, if not a grocery.

[Omaharocks]

While I no longer live there, I'll do Albuquerque, NM since it's easiest:

- Green or red chile - pick one, or both, but it will be your new religion
- You'll grow used to the vastness of the open space, and everywhere else you go - especially in the eastern U.S., will feel claustrophobic
- You'll finally have a depth of understanding of Native American history and current culture
- If you're a healthy eater, you might go to The Frontier once per month. If you are typical, you'll go a few times per week
- You'll forget what a preppy or redneck is - two subcultures that don't exist in central NM
- You'll feel sorry for anyone who moves to ABQ with a type A personality knowing they won't jibe with the "live first, work later" mentality
- You will be able to spot the difference between Adobe and Stucco after a couple months
- You'll spend time naked with your friends in nearby hot springs
- You will despise the wind, and while your friends that live in other areas of the U.S. can't wait for April & May, you are preparing for the worst time of year in NM due to the wind, dust, and forest fires
- You will find yourself going a bit crazy by June waiting for the rainy season to start
- EVERY drop of rain will become precious
- You won't have any money in your savings account and won't care
- You'll get tired of telling everyone from elsewhere in the U.S. that no, Albuquerque's climate is not all like Phoenix

[atlantaguy]

What a wonderful post, Omaharocks!

Although I've flown over it for years on the way to L.A., Phoenix & San Diego, I've never been to Albuquerque - but have always wanted to visit. I've taken a lot of pics from 35,000 feet, though.

Your post embodies everything I have been told from knowledgeable people. The chile thing REALLY makes me want to visit.

[muppet]

^ Agreed. I wanna go to Albuquerque now

[soulard&como]

S A I N T L O U I S

1. You will immediately notice how many stops signs are in this city. And eventually you will develop the "St. Louis Roll " (rolling stop) habit.

2. You will either love or hate Imos pizza and it will get you in many arguments over your years here.

3. You'll go up in the arch once, and it will probably underwhelm you. However, when driving around the city, you will see the majestic structure from different vantage points-and it will take your breath away.

4. GO CARDS.

5. GO BLUES.

6. The landing is dead.

7. The parks here are world-class.

8. So many things are free here. Art Museum, History museum, and zoo to name a few.

9. Beer is important, and not just that watered down junk. Micro-brews are all over the city.

10. Residential architecture here is stunning, and the amount of beautiful red brick homes and apartments will blow your mind (and so will the affordable price)

11. You will worry about crime before getting here, and then realize the crime rate talk is a bit bogus.

12. People will ask you where you went to high school and when you ask why or say a high school not in St. Louis they will be disappointed.

13. City/County divide makes things confusing.

14. People in the city are very proud of living "in" the city and will display this pride with a variety of bumper stickers.

15. Mardi Gras is a lot of fun, but after a couple of years of it you will probably want to avoid going all together.

16. 88.1 KDHX is the only radio station worth listening to.

17. City politics and the slow speed of progressive change can be extremely frustrating.

18. This place is truly a gem, however knowing where to go and making an effort to explore the dozens of neighborhoods is a must. We are truly a city of unique and vibrant neighborhoods.

19. ^ That being said, some of parts of the city are still dealing with the bad policies of the 60's and 70's and are struggling to rebound. Much work needs to be accomplished to promote equity for northside neighborhoods.

20. St. Louis: the most western eastern city in the U.S.

[fflint]

You will be one of 40 people who showed up to bid for your apartment.

You will have a package for the landlord that includes your credit history report, pay stubs, and a check exceeding the rent asked for, in order to secure your apartment. You will also learn at the last minute that your rent doesn't include your share of garbage pickup and water--costs that weren't included in the ad. You'll agree to be tricked.

You will have little money leftover each month, but you'll spend most of it anyway.

You won't have to go far for what you need, and you'll develop a breezy relationship with the family running your corner store.

You will hear really aggressive horn-honking all day, and most of the night. Those are the suburbanites.

You will ride an overcrowded train or bus to work (and indulge in the civic passtime of complaining about our public transportation systems); you'll walk, bike or use a car service for everything else.

You'll rent a car for day trips to the redwoods, wine country, Monterey. You'll regularly vacation in Tahoe, in winter and also in the summer.

You will develop really strong calves from walking up and down the hills. The rest of your muscles will be developed at the gym.

Everyone in your office will have a degree from a good college, right down to the receptionist.

You and a few thousand of your best friends will spend Sunday afternoons chilling in the park. You and your real best friends will already have spent the latter part of Sunday morning getting hammered on Bloody Marys. Day drinking: it's a Sunday ritual here.

You will smell marijuana everywhere.

There will be a black sedan blocking your driveway/sidewalk/bus stop/bike lane/crosswalk at least twice, every day. Sometimes all day.

You will hear obnoxious, newly-arrived 19-year old tech-bros loudly announcing their fantastical importance to the future of the planet in your cafe, restaurant, corner store, grocery store...and you'll see all the nearby people rolling their eyes.

You will eventually take a stand and pick your favorite Mission burrito joint--and you'll vehemently defend that choice for the rest of your life.

You will also choose a favorite Peruvian, Burmese and Pakistani restaurant--and then they will all promptly close, replaced by expensive restaurants catering to the douche-bro contingent.

You will hear crazy people screaming at the top of their lungs as they walk through your neighborhood.

When you leave town, you'll notice how much slower service is--and it will really annoy you. You'll also see other cities you visit as flatter, and less urban--but also cleaner, and free of sidewalk-blocking gutter punks and street-blocking Google buses.

[ardecila]

Originally Posted by 10023

^ if it's not chainy/corporate then why is Chipotle your staple diet?

Chains are the only businesses that can afford CBD rents. Chicago has great Mexican food at countless taquerias and mercados around town but you won't find any of them in the Loop. The only "independent" restaurants in these areas are the ones owned by some well-capitalized restaurant group catering to the power lunch and happy hour crowds.

Sometimes you do get random grunge pockets where independent restaurants can break in (in the Loop, Wabash and Van Buren). Food trucks have also allowed indie food to break in, to some extent.

[Lipani]

You will rarely meet anyone from San Diego. When you meet someone with a grandparent born here, you will equalize it with finding a unicorn.

You will brag, often, how much you love the weather and loathe the weather from wherever you lived previously.

You will use the acronyms IB, OB, PB and TJ. Saying Imperial Beach, Ocean Beach, Pacific Beach and Tijuana will make you cringe.

You will always dress casual outside of work.

You will become an expert on Mexican food, even if you've never been to Mexico.

You will bitch about the high rents and the mediocre pay, but brag to your friends back home how great your life is.

You will notice that, outside of a few neighborhoods, seeing buildings more than 50 years old is weird.

You will bitch about traffic and refuse to take another mode of transportation despite the weather being pretty much perfect all year.

You will become obsessed with one (or several) of the craft breweries.

You will consider the fans of the local sports teams to be boring.

You will stay forever or leave after a year or two for a city that's either more affordable or has more culture.

[brickell]

Silly Miami stereotypes

1) you will add both Spanish and Yiddish words to your vocabulary and maybe some Kreyol
2) you will got stuck on the palmetto (or dolphin)
3) you will wear a jacket the first day it's gets below 65
4) you will only go to South Beach when guests are in town
5) you will still root for your home town teams except for when Miami teams are winning
6) you will wonder how you made it through the day before you discovered Cuban coffee
7) you will get free mangoes and avocados from random people at work who's trees are overflowing
8) you will complain about the heat in December
9) you will have a hurricane party
10) you'll watch spanish tv for the eye candy

Closer to the truth

1) you'll be stuck in miserable traffic almost ever day, no matter where you go.
2) you'll be afraid to bike anywhere for fear of death
3) it will take you 6 months to adjust to the bad driving habits and blatant disregard for road rules or niceties
4) you will pay too much for your home or apartment and wonder how everyone else is surviving here
5) you will frantically search for a repairmen when your AC goes out in the middle of the night in August.
6) you will cower in the corner and cry like a baby when a hurricane actually hits
7) you will learn to live with nature or spend the rest of your time here trying to eradicate it. those bugs though. And lizards. and snakes. and spiders...
8) you will put your kids in private school when they get denied at the magnet and charter schools you applied for
9) you will show up for a party on time and still be an hour early.
10) you will start eating dinner after 9pm

[MolsonExport]

1) you will get bored quickly
2) you will realize that there is little of note here (aside from a semi-famous university)
3) you may recognize that while there is little of note, it is altogether a benign place with inexpensive cost of living...and rather nearby big cities when you need them (Toronto, Detroit).
4) a great place to live, but not one to visit.
5) the great lakes are very close by (Erie and Huron [great beaches] are only 40 minutes away, Lake St. Clair 70 minutes, Lake Ontario 90 minutes). Place to go to on summer days.
6) God-fearing people. Mega churches everywhere. Not my cup of tea, but different strokes...
7) did I mention that it is kind of dull here?

[LouisianaRush]

I have lived in Baltimore for two years and this is what I have noticed:

1. You will realize that crab is served at every restaurant and can be used as an ingredient for most foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (Eggs, burgers, sandwiches, pretzels, etc.)

2. You will put Old Bay on everything (even beer)

3. You will look down upon the people in the county and vice versa

4. You will wear purple on Fridays to work. It is encouraged my most companies.

5. Lacrosse is an actual sport and you will start to follow it

6. You will fall in LOVE with the Star Spangle Banner and even start to develop the Baltimore way of pronouncing "Oh say can you see"

7. You will see the Maryland flag everywhere. (Shorts, tee shirts, football jerseys, flying on people's homes, bumper stickers, food labels, and on churches) I believe the Maryland flag is more popular in Baltimore, Maryland than the Texas flag in Texas.

8. You will either Love or Hate Lexington Market

9. You will try and find a friend who owns a sail boat. Those are the best friends.

10. You realize life is not complete without a brick row home with a roof top deck

11. You start saying "Hon" for some reason

[Acajack]

For Montreal, it's either...

"I can't believe how easy it is to get around most everyday situations speaking only English" (says the guy who expected it to be like Paris)

OR

"I never imagined how important and essential it would be to know French in order to live in Montreal" (says the guy who expected it to be like New Orleans)

[Lear]

Berlin

1. You will party

2. You will have sex at parties

3. You will become vegan after having too much drugs and parties

4. You start hating people who believe that parties 5 years ago were way better

5. You will start being an artist and you will fail

6. You will start being an entrepreneur and you will fail

7. You don´t bother being a loser because you are still able to pay the cheap living

8. You will have sex with all those global hipsters (girls or boys) who visit your city

9. You start thinking about global politics

10. You don´t bother anymore when George Clooney or Lady Gaga is sitting next to you in your favorite café

11. If you survive the first and second winter you will stay forever

12. You will pity all others on this planet who can´t live here

[MolsonExport]

Originally Posted by Acajack

For Montreal, it's either...

"I can't believe how easy it is to get around most everyday situations speaking only English" (says the guy who expected it to be like Paris)

OR

"I never imagined how important and essential it would be to know French in order to live in Montreal" (says the guy who expected it to be like New Orleans)

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Old Montreal:


Nightclubbing:

wookipedia

[10023]

Originally Posted by ardecila

Chains are the only businesses that can afford CBD rents. Chicago has great Mexican food at countless taquerias and mercados around town but you won't find any of them in the Loop. The only "independent" restaurants in these areas are the ones owned by some well-capitalized restaurant group catering to the power lunch and happy hour crowds.

Sometimes you do get random grunge pockets where independent restaurants can break in (in the Loop, Wabash and Van Buren). Food trucks have also allowed indie food to break in, to some extent.

Are you counting things like Paul Kahan's or Brendan Sodikoff's restaurants as "part of well-capitalized restaurant groups"? Probably, but they're not chains, they're home grown, and they're great restaurants. A talented chef who's been successful enough to open a handful of places is a lot different from Chipotle.

[chris08876]

Originally Posted by MolsonExport

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

That made me spit my coffee all over my keyboard. Thats a good one.

[pdxtex]

hmmm, portland, oregon.

you'll convince yourself paying 400k for a victorian shoebox in a neighborhood with driveby shootings is acceptable.

if you do not find the above acceptable, you will be paying 1000 in rent for a victorian closet close in or will relegate yourself to roomates or the suburbs.

oh great, they have transit! you will still drive everywhere.

you will own more goretex fabric then ever before.

you will visit powells once a decade.

you might drink beer in a movie theater once a month!

you will come to appreciate buying local and realize oregon has the best food in north america, period. beer too.

once the dome of gloom settles in (november thru june), you will convince yourself winter isnt that bad. hey it doesn't snow alot. but i havent seen the sun in 9 months!

if velma dinkley were real, she was born in portland, oregon. shaggy is from eugene.

you might find yourself attracted to women in clogs. perhaps men in clogs too.

[Acajack]

Originally Posted by MolsonExport

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Old Montreal:


Nightclubbing:

wookipedia

Hey... she/he/it was a good singer!

And you're the first person to pick up on my location! I'm so happy!