Yes, Topeka of all places. Like you, perhaps, I had no actual first-hand knowledge of this mysterious land they call
Kansas. All I really know is that it has a reputation for being flat, and hot, and dull, and that its very name is literally a synonym for plain and ordinary, as in "We're not in Kansas anymore." And all I really knew about Topeka is that it's the home of the Westboro Baptist Church, as well as -- speaking of religious nuts -- the home of former governor Sam Brownback's fabulous failed tax experiment. Stephen King also saw fit to make use of the place, specifically Gage Park, in the
Wizard and Glass book of his
Dark Tower series.
We were there for more prosaic reasons though and sadly, we were unable to ride a miniature train into another dimension which is, as I understand it, what happens to the characters in
Wizard and Glass. On the other hand, we were very pleasantly surprised by the quality of food. We had excellent burgers, Italian food, and a very good meal at a place called The Blind Tiger whose logo is so bitchin' that I bought myself a tee shirt. First time I've ever bought a restaurant/brewery shirt. Blind Tiger also sponsors the tiger exhibit at the Topeka Zoo, which is another reason to like them. On the other hand, we ate at a chicken place where the experience could best be
summed up like so. Go watch. I'll wait.
Speaking of cutting you, we learned that Topeka has a terrible reputation due to its high crime rate, although what struck me is the way it appeared that all the white trash from the wretched little rural county where I work as a social worker had somehow multiplied their numbers and built themselves a city with buildings and sidewalks and everything. Topeka seemed to be a city that will
cut your candy ass at the slightest provocation. It felt rather a lot like Little Rock and in fact, that could be a good tourism slogan for the city: "Topeka: It's basically Little Rock!"
Other potential slogans might be "Topeka: Comfortable, like your fat pants" and "Topeka: Shockingly tolerable!" -- because it was. I was stunned by how comfortable the place felt, even with so many people walking around with visible track marks and no teeth. It felt rather homey, all things considered, which was absolutely mindblowing for a guy born and raised in the mountains.
And the real fun of it is that we'll likely have to go back there at least two or three more times. Perhaps on one of those future trips I can take more than just these crappy photos with my phone.
• Video Link
(Note: I apologize if youtube forces you to watch a commercial before you can get to the music I thought fit these pictures. They've been awful for that recently.)
The Mulvane Art Museum had a fascinating exhibit on what the art in museums tends to look like before the conservators get their hands on it. We're talking paintings stained brown with nicotine, paintings that are flaking, buckling, cracking, paintings that have had other paint or turpentine slopped on them, paintings whose frames have suffered God knows what all indignities, and even paintings with water damage, which leads us to...
This guy and his jaunty top hat make appearances all over town. He usually seems to be in a great honking hurry.
It's really not just any town where one could get a hankering for frozen yogurt in the evening and pass by the Westboro Baptist Church, not to mention the Equality House across the street, while on the way to find a frozen treat.
On our second day there we visited the Topeka Zoo.
The indoor rain forest alone was worth the price of admission.
Bats.
The bananas of Kansas:
After the zoo we went across the street to an Italian restaurant where we were seated on the red patio...
...and dined upon the
red lasagna!
Then we went and got Hawaiian ice and enjoyed it in this bleak little courtyard.
On our last day there we hung out downtown and in the North Topeka Arts District.
Fun fact: In
Wizard and Glass the Topeka the characters encounter is the Topeka in the world of
The Stand, a world devastated and nearly depopulated by plague. So... this is the sort of thing the characters would have seen. Meanwhile, here in our world I'm really not sure why a drywall company would advertise itself with skeletons in a hearse at a classic car show.
Fly swatters...
...which honor this doctor who made it his mission to improve the public health of Topeka by ridding the city of pests and the noxious habits which helped them to thrive.
"Regressive legislation, prepared fresh for you every day!"
It has always irritated the piss out of me how other states get nice capitols, while North Carolina makes due with a dull old relic that looks like a smallish county's courthouse, and a new relic that looks like a
Brady Bunch set piece.
There would have been yet more photos of murals, but the capitol building was closing and we had to get out... although not before I bought a really nice poster of Carrie Nation in the gift shot. That's going on the wall right over the liquor cabinet at home.
Downtown Topeka is awash in public art, and some of it is quite nice. There would have been even more pictures of it, but unfortunately some photos -- such as the one of the giant pencil and the one of the NAACP statue just didn't come out at all.
Pay no attention to the fat, bloated creature with flyaway hair taking the photo. Pay attention to the tee shirt.
We had to park in the space designated for the oral auction winner to take this picture, and I assure you that I wouldn't do that for just anyone.
It turned out that "arts district" is perhaps too grand a term for what you find in North Topeka, much the way that a friend noted on facebook that I appeared to be having a blast and I told her that perhaps "blast" is too strong a word to use when describing what one has in Topeka.
Fun fact: In
Wizard and Glass the characters explore this train station and find several mummified corpses of people who had been trying the flee the plague. One of the characters notes how futile the gesture was and asks just where it was they had been trying to go. Had anyplace been safe as the disease swept the land? Likely not.
There were holes in the roof visible through the top floor windows. On the second floor, you could see that at some point in the past, someone had painted the rooms a fetching green and orange color scheme.
I really, truly do wish Topeka the best. I actually liked the place and I want to reiterate that the food was wonderful. Topeka had a vibe that reminded me of Asheville circa the mid 90's. Rundown, dirty, gritty, dangerous, but with enormous potential. I hope that the people there can bring it back and turn it into something wonderful. I hope the kind of people who'd want that sort of thing -- as opposed, say, to the folks who think Westboro has a lot of good points -- will stay and work and fight like hell to make Topeka into what it could be and ought to be. I hope they'll stay instead of take the easy way out and move to Kansas City, Chicago, and even Wichita, where the momentum is already rolling along. It takes an incredible amount of work to move a rock like Topeka, but as Asheville proves, it's more than worth it to get it up to the top of the hill.
Good luck, Topeka. I'll likely be seeing you again.
Threaded Mode